too bad you live with your parents still
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
