is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
