it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
