Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
