at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
