a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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