Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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