she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
