I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
