I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
