i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my liver is dry heaving
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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