In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
