I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
