i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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