Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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