Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
