I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
