You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
