i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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