Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
