Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
