i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
