Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
