Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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