You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
