I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We are two peas in an std pod
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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