I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
