i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
