I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize