i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
