i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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