I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
