there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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