my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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