Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
