Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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