I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
