This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
