My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
