My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
