There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
