I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
