I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
