Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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