Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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