After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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