So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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