now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
