sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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