Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
