I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
