I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
