What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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