I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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