so that wasnt chicken after all
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My vagina just clenched in fear
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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