I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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