My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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