Porn is love you can see.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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