He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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