So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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