worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
