Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
