Pappa wants mamma naked
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
