So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
