Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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