There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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