yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
