btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
