just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
