Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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