No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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