it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
