Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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