did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
