girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
