Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
