So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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