You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
