I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize