Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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