Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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